By Marie Stephens

Not everyone knows this about me, but I am a snake phobe.

I don’t like to visit them at the zoo.  I don’t even like to touch pictures of snakes in books.  I can’t even handle those fake plastic snakes.  I am not much of a yeller, but the few times that I have yelled at my kids were because they put a rubber snake under my pillow, or nearly caused me to jump out of my skin when they threw one on my bed while I was sound asleep.  I do not like the way they move, I do not like their creepy hissy looking tongues; I am fully aware of the fact that a snake’s skin is not slimy, but It still appears that way to me and it still freaks me out!

To all of you snake enthusiasts out there, I am truly sorry if this does not help to improve the public image of the snake and how important they are to the environment.  Let me publicly announce that snakes are wonderful creatures and very, very important to our environment and our food chain.  Just think how many more mice there would be without them!  Snakes are good, I get that….but when one decides to pay me a visit, in my home, as I am about to hit the hay for the night,  ALL BETS ARE OFF.

It was fall of 2005.  I was a brand new mom with a brand new baby who was just a few months old.  He had finally gone to sleep for the time being, so I had selfishly taken that quiet time to shower, brush teeth, and comb hair:  all luxuries for new moms.  It had been a long day of repetitive nursing, changing diapers, rocking, swaddling, and laundry with a baby that slept for maybe 15 minutes of every hour if I was lucky.  Needless to say, I was exhausted and ready to pass out for the night.

All the heat from the shower pushed me into auto pilot mode as I left our steamy bathroom and headed down the hall for the spiral staircase that led up to the loft bedroom in our rustic A-Frame house.  Sleep, that precious commodity that is so rare to new parents, was about to be awarded to me.  For the most part, I was already there.

I was approximately 15 steps from hitting my pillow when autopilot suddenly kicked into flight or fright mode.  As I slowly entered the dark living room and turned to go upstairs, I heard something.  A soft thump, as if something had fallen off the back of our leather sofa and onto the seat.

In an instant, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.  I quickly flipped on the light switch and immediately turned my eyes to the couch.  Out of the corner of my sleepy eyes, I could have sworn that I saw the tail of a tiny little snake slither right into the crack between the couch seats.

In my thoughts:

“What the heck was that?”

“Was that a snake?”

“No….No way…..there is no way there could be a snake in my couch!”

“Or could there?”

“Oh crap!  There really is a snake in my couch….THERE’S A SNAKE IN MY COUCH!”



Picture yourself in the same situation…wanting to scream at the top of your lungs, but only able to scream with your mute button on for fear that you might wake the baby!

Now picture me…..once half asleep now fully awake, throwing my hands up in the air and running around in circles, screaming without making a sound.

After spinning around aimlessly a few times, I flew down the stairs to the basement to find my sleep deprived husband, tinkering away on some project he found in “The Family Handyman”.  I flung open the door and screamed wildly, “There’s a snake in the couch!”  He stared blankly at me in disbelief, as if I had gone mad.  So I repeated myself and swore I was not hallucinating, although, as sleep deprived as I had been, hallucinations were quite possible.

To humor me, Tim grabbed a flashlight and headed up the stairs while I scampered around to find some weapons:  a broomstick and a tennis racket, perfect tools for the task at hand.  I stealthily climbed back up to the living room, ready to pounce on anything that decided to jump out of that couch.

Tim, being the level headed force of the Stephens’ household, calmly and smoothly approached the couch with his flashlight and peaked in between the cushions to see what all the fuss was about.  Seconds later, he turned around and said matter of factly, “Yep.  There’s definitely a snake in there.”  Once again, hands went up in the air, and one of us began running in circles.

Have you ever seen a movie where a husband and wife have an entire conversation without ever saying a word?  Where looks are exchanged, eyes widen and narrow, and information passes telepathically?  That is exactly how the following conversation went down.  Imagine two tired adults forced to solve the impossible:  how to get rid of a snake in a couch without waking their three month old baby.

Me, eyes wide with snake phobia, ” How in the heck are we gonna get that thing out of the couch without letting it get loose in the house?  I am not touching that thing!”

Tim, dumbfounded, ” How in the heck am I supposed to know?”

Me,  eyebrows raised,”I got an idea.  Lets just pick up the whole couch and set it out on the deck, and then try to get the snake out.”

Tim, “Hmmm that could work.  Let’s go for it.”

So we pick up the couch, thinking we have a quick fix.  We head for the slider door, ready to set the couch on our deck.  As we approach the door, me: “This isn’t gonna work.  It’s not gonna fit!”

Tim, “Crap, even if we tilt it up on end, the snake might fall out and get away.”

Me, discouraged,” Now what?”

I’m sure by now, you are probably thinking, “Why didn’t they just take the cushions off and grab the snake?”  Unfortunately, this is a couch from which one cannot simply remove the seat cushions, or any of the cushions, for that matter.  Oh no, we specifically bought this couch because the cushions could NOT be removed!

Tim, ” Ok, here’s what we do.  You hold the flashlight.  I’m gonna pin the snake down with this stick.  Then, with my hand inside of this grocery bag, I’m gonna stick my hand in there, grab the snake, and then turn the bag inside out.  As soon as I get the snake, you open the door, and I’ll take him outside and take care of the rest.”

Me, ” Fine.  As long as I don’t have to touch it.  I’ll go get the broomstick and tennis racket ready just in case he escapes.”

Tim, “Ready?”

Me, “No, but go ahead anyway.”

In a matter of seconds, it was all over. My superman of a husband pinned the snake with his left hand, grabbed it with his bagged right hand, turned the bag inside out as the snake tried to wriggle itself free from Tim’s tight grip, and headed out the door in a flash, before the snake could escape.

I hadn’t felt that much relief since the morning after I gave birth to that three month old babe sleeping soundly in the nursery right above the scene of the couch snake extraction.  I don’t know what exactly happened to that poor little snake, nor do I care to know what happened.  He was gone, and that was that.

Over the last 8 years, we have shared so many giggles while telling that story to our children.  I cannot begin to count how many times I’ve told, and retold it as a bedtime story after infinite requests from my son. We have told that story from my point of view, from the snake’s point of view, and Tim does an excellent job of telling the tale from his point of view…with a few embellishments here and there.  I can here his gruff and tough story telling voice now, ” Why, if that snake was a foot long, he was a mile!  I grabbed the beast with my bare hands, and he began to thrash so violently, I had to wrestle him to the ground.  The snake was angry that day, my friends!”  Even as I was trying to remember the details of the story last night, he and I had so many laughs as we tried to lay out the scene.

Just the other day, Tim came home from leading our son’s Cub Scouts meeting to tell me that the snake in the couch story had resurfaced.  The theme of the den meeting was, “Tall Tales”, and one of our son’s classmates remembered Harrison telling the story a year ago to their second grade class!  If only that poor little snake knew how popular he had become.  Thank you, Mr. Snake, for making a brief pitstop into my life.  My family has a richer folklore all because of you and your memory shall live on forever!  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, snakes are great, as long as they stay in their environment and leave me alone in mine.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this brief encounter into my past.  Stop back again, you never know what you might find.  At Marie Stephens Gardening, life is a garden, and you never know where inspiration will strike.  Maybe even in the crack of a couch.

©Marie Stephens 2014 All rights reserved

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/writing-challenge-shoes/

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/04/quick-tip-the-quote/

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

1. Weekly Writing Challenge: Make It Stop |
2. Getty up time | British Chick Across The Pond
3. Splashform | Stealing All the Sevens
4. Weekly Writing Challenge: Leave Your Shoes at the Door | life n me!
5. The prisoner | Life is great
6. The Embrace | Not a Punk Rocker
7. Ecuador Volcano Adventure Meets Mafia Memory (I Kid you NOT) | reinventing the event horizon
8. Sharing This Moment (Weekly Writing Challenge: Take Your Shoes Off…) | jennsmidlifecrisis
9. Some day, one day | Fonts and Frosting
10. Weekly challenge: Imagining anorexia | helen meikle’s scribblefest
11. Creature Comforts | Leena Says
12. Another Day | Sarah’s Typos
13. That One Night | No Blog Intended
14. A bit of fiction…. | 101 Challenges in 1001 Days
15. Gardens Past, Garden Future | Nightingale Acres
16. Weekly Writing Challenge: A pair of lunatics [her perspective my words] | Life of A Fallen Angel
17. Dreams and Hope | My Diary
18. There’s a Snake in My Couch! True Story | mariestephensgardening
19. The Hanger | Jorgeisms
20. A Week in the Death of Ragnhild | Pedersen’s Last Dream
21. Unrequited | D Lonely Stoner
22. Thoughts of a Little Lamb | Life’s Unfiltered Ramblings
23. Sole Mates. |
24. Another Dumb/Happy Day | HAPnHAP
25. She’s wearing a huge flower on her hair and I’m walking In her shoes | Of love, life and such magic
26. Weekly Writing Challenge: Leave Your Shoes at the Door | To Breathe is to Write
27. Things I Wish I Had Known At 16 Years Old, 16 Years Later | suzie81’s Blog
28. In The Shoes Of My Nemesis | Laith’s Ramblings
29. Make. — Messy Memories » MommyVerbs
30. Meeting Cat Madigan | The Adventures of Cat Madigan
31. Moe & Joe: Leave Your Shoes at the Door | CurlyQ
32. My Mother’s Letters | jen groeber: mama art
33. My mum is nutty about mealtimes | Play with Food
34. The Bum and I | the TEMENOS JOURNAL
35. Overheat | Paper Plane Pilots
36. Soulful Soles | The Spicy Marshmallow
37. Perspective | The Lyons Den
38. Getting to Know Him | Corned Beef Hashtag
39. Not Shoes, But Galoshes! | Wise Blood
40. The Call | Not the Family Business!
41. Unrequited Love–Unfulfilling Sex « everyday gurus
42. Mom = Master Of Multitasking.!! | Live Out Loud..!!
43. Write Here and Write Now | Shetall says
44. In his eyes* | Icescreammama
45. One room, two perspectives | Butterfly Mind
46. It’s Time To Get Up! | Brother Jon’s Page
47. Remember the Time We Ran Out of Memories? | Are You Finished Yet?
48. The More Things Change, the More They (Hopefully) Get Better | The Waiting
49. And We Shall Inherit The Earth | Daisies from Dust
50. Putting Myself in Her Shoes | So Here’s Us…
51. Weekly Writing Challenge – Leave Your Shoes At The Door | Joe’s Musings
52. Another Mile in Our Shoes | Love, Support, Educate, Advocate, Accept…
53. Weekly Writing Challenge: Chinese New Year | Shawn’s Ramblings
54. Leave Your Shoes at the Door | Scheinwelt
55. Weekly Writing Challenge: Leave Your Shoes at the Door | medicinalmeadows
56. In Another’s Skin | End Kwote
57. Conversations with me | Random Musings …
58. Shining Path | The Silver Leaf Journal
59. Where live the giants? | Emotional Fitness
60. The 8th of February 1987 – Carlsbad, New Mexico | Forgotten Correspondance
61. Dancing Shoes | Of love, life and such magic
62. Mean Eyed Cat | kissmeoutofdesire
63. Weekly Writing Challenge | History of a Woman
64. Marketing Major. Mom Minor. | Lyme. Autism. Alzheimer. Oh my!
65. My point of view | I like country when it rocks
66. Panties? Who gives a fuck? | bethanyah
67. Typical Day | Words in Silver
68. In My Son’s Vans – Evelyne Holingue
69. In my 15 year old Shoes … | Life with Tess
70. 18/36 | This Is My Corn
71. Walk a mile in my shoes! | ??Journey or destination??
72. The dawn of day in the city | The Chaos Within
73. With A Hat In Hand..!! | Yukta Kher
74. Manic Monday… A day in the life of Lippy Chic | The Diary of a Lippy Chic
75. Corporate Maternity leave | Myriad Notions
76. IN HER SHOES | ArtFreak
77. Favorite One | Emotional Fitness
78. Weekly Writing Challenge: Leave Your Shoes at the Door | Real Momma Ramblings
79. There’s a Snake in My Couch Part I : A Mom’s Point of View | mariestephensgardening
80. Check, mate. | lemon lime follies
81. These Hands | Fascinations of a Vanilla Housewife
82. Death and Beyond – Double POV | Lay Pen to Paper
83. Through the eyes of a Psychopath | Wandering Welsh Kisses
84. DPchallenge: Leave your shoes at the door | Wordz on a Page
85. Leave your shoes at the door! | The Indecisive Eejit
86. WWC: LEAVING MY SHOES BEHIND | DANDELION’S DEN
87. This just needs to be said. | Chasing Rabbit Holes
88. Remember the time I met that weird family? | rarasaur
89. Holding on tight | the world as i see it
90. Help Me: A Story of Sex, Drugs, and Slavery. – Beauty From Ashes
91. I’m just a dreamer… | stilldaddyslittlegirl
92. The final freedom | Colour the moment
93. Weekly Writing Challenge:Leave Your Shoes at the Door | asnappshot
94. [WWC] Roberta e Leopoldo | Reatividades
95. Weekly Writing Challenge: Leave Your Shoes at the Door – Long walks and dark chocolate
96. Remember When I Found a Home? | seeking life
97. I think I blew the deadline, but…… | dcms2
98. Weekly Writing Challenge – Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes | CC
99. The Invisible Wall | A Lethbridgian View